Blind, that was what I was before. Specifically, I was blinded by selfish dreams and earthly, self-pleasuring desires. Sadly, I lived a life struggling with myself. My life was filled with darkness and shadowy pasts, and the miserable truth was that I barely fought it. How foolish I was to live such a life, a life only for myself. Was this the source of the emptiness I used to feel? Obviously, the school's answer to this life crisis would be to change.

     New Year passed and that was when it struck me, it was the time to change. Sadly, though, that was not enough to push me to amend my life. I could not stay on track in this so-called path of righteousness; I still lived a life without the passion and the commitment to live away from immorality and even if I did at times, I still felt a sense of emptiness. However, as I looked at the different people around me, they were not the people one would call holy but they had lived their life as if they had no sense of emptiness in them. What drove them to be such individuals? My question was immediately answered last January 15, 2005.

     My friends and I went to an evangelical concert entitled “Inspired <Soul Seeks>”, which was performed by Hillsong Asia. The message of that concert, “inspiration only comes from the love of God alone,” was the answer to my question. It was like a hammer striking at my heart as the shock ran through my body; it was like something I felt before. It was the feeling of the Holy Spirit. I guess I lost this feeling before as I kept falling into the pits of sinfulness in a repetitive manner, as if I had a schedule! During that concert though, I almost wept, for I was deeply touched by the music, so deep that I was determined to start small again to change for the better.

     “Inspiration only comes from the love of God alone.” But what is this love of God? The Bible said that “this is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.” Jesus gave His life and all He is asking for is ours. Compared to His life, ours is nothing, and yet He wants it. That is the love of Christ, and I guess that is what fills that certain emptiness in people. As I have said, these people are not holy, they do not always win against sin, but they still strive to give their whole life to Christ. That is eternal gratitude. And that is my New Year's resolution, and now with my newly acquired inspiration from God, I'm sure, though I may have just started in my striving to live a new life, there will be drastic changes in my life.

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