COMMUNITIES
   

What Makes "The Fellowship of the Wedding Ring" Successful?

Allyn Chua – Go Tian

Posted Friday, 08-Sep-2006 4:02 PM

Allyn Chua – Go Tian is a mother of four boys and is married to an alumnus Everson Go Tian  (XS '83)

     It was a Saturday morning. This time, we weren't on our separate hectic
Saturday schedules. We were on our way to the Xavier School MPC for the first of  the three family recollections that have been lined up for the Golden
Jubilee year by the XSPA. We had to leave behind the kids, the

appointments, the deadlines, but not the cellphone:  (for taking down
notes and receiving calls/messages), to take the time out for a  morning of recollecting on our married life.

      Of course, as Fr. Johnny Go had pointed out, we were there for our selves, our family, and our children. He emphasized that the most important thing that our children needed was a good family - to belong to, to feel loved, to be loved and to learn to love others. But, we get so busy in our day-to-day lives that we do not have the time to reflect on our stories and our journeys. He challenged all those present that morning to "step backwards" and to see how it "falls together", as in finding "kahulugan" or meaning, in our personal lives. Truly, our lives pass us by so quickly in this age of speed, science and technology that "time alone" and "check points", though essential and important, is placed last on our long list of things to do and accomplish as individuals, as couples, as parents and as members of the community.

     The resource speakers, Gilbert and Donna Son, animatedly presented male and female differences that were derived from the study of John  Gray, who also happens to be the author of the popular book, “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.”   Different levels of physical and psychosocial differences  can either sweeten, spice or even sour our relationships with our  spouses. Gilbert said that men are focused, good in prioritizing and are  predictable, whereas women are more open, more moody and regards  everything as important (which drives him crazy at times!). Donna, on  the other hand, said that women are romantic, needs the time and  ambiance to get into the mood, finds self-fulfillment in the marriage  and family and longs for the "other" in a more spread-out and lingering  manner, while men are passionate, easily aroused because of his physical  make-up, finds fulfillment in his job and longs for the "other" in a more  periodic and intense manner. While there are many differences pointed out that made the whole assembly laugh (everyone should make sure to attend the next recollection), these are precisely the differences that complement spouses
in a marital relationship and will further strengthen the ties
that bind and the rings that make us beholden to each other.

      Each one was asked to fill out a road map of highs and lows starting from the couple’s wedding day to the present. After charting our maps, we had to answer the questions "What am I most grateful for ?" and "What  has sustained me during my low points?"  Most have had many highs and  many lows, and always, what have kept married couples together were God
and the family. Believing that God is IN the marriage and IN the family,
husbands and wives experienced joys and sorrows together with more hope
and increasing faith.

      It is with so much joy to hear Gilbert proclaim that all marriages are
made in heaven. With so many differences between men and women that can stress a marriage, it is nothing short of a miracle that many couples
have chosen and decided to stay married ....despite the many "Satans,”
which Gilbert adeptly defined as any thing, job, person, friend or even
in-law that threatens the marriage.

     It was a fruitful Saturday morning that was worth leaving the kids behind, setting aside the appointments and deadlines, as well as the cellular phones, for a recollection!  It was very heart warming for a mother like me  to hear Gilbert praise and put all mothers on a pedestal - "mothers are martyrs... you give up your life, your personal plans and dreams for a good family, the foundation of happy children."

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