MAGIS

Missing Xavier
Monica Sicam-Gutierrez

Posted Tuesday, 27-Sep-2005 2:16 PM

      I guess I was really meant to stay this long at Xavier, even if it was never in my plans. God has been doing that a lot in my life – steering me through paths that I never planned on taking, but it always turns out to be a wonderful adventure.

      My Xavier experience has not been smooth sailing all the way. In fact, I am surprised at how long I eventually stayed. I had no intention of applying at Xavier, I had only accompanied a friend to get the application form from the then Psych Services. The lady at the counter asked me if I wanted an application form as well. Why not, I said to myself. I had just resigned from my previous job, I had no commitments, nothing to lose.

      During my panel interview, I was asked how long I intended to stay. “One year.” I said to myself, but to the panel, I said, “Two years.” I thought that sounded better. I really thought I was just going to give this a try, then leave at the end of the school year.

      It’s been more than 10 years since that day. Obviously I got accepted and went on to become a Grade One Class Adviser. It was a very memorable experience for me but after three years, I was ready to call it quits. I felt like I didn’t belong in Xavier, I felt like it held no future for me. But my friend Jane told me to hold on, to try it out “up here, in the big workroom”. I didn’t listen to her, but fate has a funny way of doing things. I went on leave, supposedly for a year, but one month into my leave, I got invited to work at the GS Guidance Department (something I couldn’t say no to) and got to work in the “big workroom”, which as Jane promised, was a most enjoyable experience. Even if I loved my work at Guidance, I became restless once more, and again went on leave to go soul searching, among other things. I came back after a year, quite reluctantly. I had no choice, I was pregnant and Xavier offered a steady paycheck. Little did I know that this comeback was the point of no return. This was the start of my falling in love with Xavier.

      Migrating to Australia was always a far-off dream. The thought of it did not consume me and my husband, in fact, we had pushed it to the back of our minds. But suddenly, we received news that we had to be in Australia by September 2004. In many ways, I was glad to leave – especially at the thought of facing a new adventure with my family. But there were also many reasons that I regretted having to leave. And now, as I reminisce about my former life, I realize that these are the things that I sorely miss about Xavier:

1.  Bukas Palad and Ignite recollections

      It was always my dream to be a part of class nights, and so when I was finally assigned to Grade 6, I was overjoyed. I enjoyed every aspect of it – from the planning meetings, to the actual nights, even up to the evaluation meetings. I got a different kind of high getting to interact with colleagues and students informally, especially at night, after all the day’s activities. I have fond memories of singing “Picha Pie/ I Will Survive” and “Harana” in the late hours of the night and listening to Amado do his Irish song and dance. Surprisingly, these recollections helped to deepen my relationship with God and form a strong bond with my colleagues as well.

2.  Masses

      I miss the songs, sung by a thousand high-pitched male voices, singing the beautiful songs of Bukas Palad Vol. 1 and 2. I miss the intelligent and relevant homilies given by the different priests at Xavier that are easy enough to be understood by the third graders, yet deep enough to be appreciated by the adults. This is something that is sorely lacking in my life right now!

3.  Retreats

      I remember when I dreaded going on retreats but the ones I have attended in the last three years have been really memorable and relevant to my life experiences. They have helped me figure things out and have taught me to seek refuge in God. I miss having that to look forward to every summer at school.

4.  Xavier website

      This has always been my “baby”. It did not start with me, but I put in a lot of blood, sweat and tears (along with the other members of the web team) to come up with something that we could be proud of. But I also got a lot of gratification from it. I was in heaven when I was taking pictures of school events and I loved being able to interact with different members of the community to come up with the different sections of the website. I loved every single moment that I was working on the website!

5.  Morning rounds

      I would use the morning rounds to distribute birthday cards to the students, and find out how each one’s day was starting. It was also my chance to greet my colleagues and help out in ensuring that the day would start off well.

6.  Watching basketball games and cheering our lungs out

      I loved to watch basketball games – even those not coached by my husband. I don’t really like basketball but I can become a diehard fan when the players are people I personally know. I can become a raving lunatic, cheering for our teams especially after two overtimes and a one-point defeat! But the best part of all is singing “Luceat Lux” at the end of a game, especially one that we had just won.

7.  Students

      It would take a whole other article to write about all the wonderful things I miss about the students. I must say though, that Xavier students are the sweetest students in the world! Boy do they know how to show their appreciation to their teachers! I just miss being with them, being a part of their lives, and knowing that they are doing okay.

8.  Parents

      Xavier parents are one tough bunch, but they are also supportive, appreciative and caring towards the teachers. I have met many parents in my ten years who have made me feel that what I did for their child could elevate me to sainthood, when all I did was my job. There are also those parents who become your friends, because of sheer luck that their sons have become your students for the nth year in a row, or you have been in Xavier long enough to have handled the firstborn, the second child, and now the youngest boy as well!

9.  Friends

      I miss hanging out at Starbucks, where Chay would order a frappuccino then all the rest of us would have 20 orders of squid balls from Sotong next door. I miss going to Galleria on a whim, to watch movies (the last one I remember was “Mean Girls”), eating at Café D’Angelo and getting Reese’s chocolate from Jayjay’s desk. I miss my prayer group, who kept me strong when I needed strength. To this day, I cry when I hear “Warrior Is A Child”, thanks to Achie. I miss running to the SACs office to pour my heart out to Jane over the latest developments in my life. I especially appreciate the overwhelming support given to me during times of crisis. I miss belonging.

10.  Being a part of something good

      What I liked best about working at Xavier was that I knew my job had meaning. I knew that I was doing God’s work and it fulfilled me no end. Now that I am on the outside looking in, I can see what a great bunch of people make up the Xavier community. There is a culture of nurturing, forgiveness and generosity that I have seen both as a participant and a bystander. I can proudly say that Xavier employees do take “Magis” seriously and live it out in their daily lives, especially in their dealings with the students. I am proud to have been associated with such a distinguished group of ladies and gentlemen!

      I have been gone from Xavier for exactly one year now and I still cannot get it out of my system. Freud believed that dreams are a form of wish fulfillment – those things we fervently desire but cannot do in waking life come true in our dreams. I would say that about 80% of my dreams involve Xavier in one form or another, and always in those dreams, I am back, even if for only a short time.

      So tell me, how do you say goodbye to a place that has given you so much? The answer, I guess is, you don’t. It becomes a place to come home to, a refuge, even if, for now, it is only in my dreams.

      Happy Appreciation Day to the whole Xavier Community! You just cannot imagine how much I miss you all!

Monica Sicam-Gutierrez was the former Editor-in-Chief of the Xavier School website.  She's married to Edge who was also a former faculty member.  They migrated to Australia last year.

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